Just Wipe It

GREETINGS.

Falranicus, master and overlord of all that is worth overlording, welcomes you to this evening's presentation. Tonight, we take an in-depth look at the day to day goings on of Blackrock's premier wiping guild, Just Wipe it. This documentary takes us into the very blackened, shrivelled heart of the depravity that is guild chat, in the quest to attain that holiest of holies, approval from Csirac. No stone shall be unturned, no psyche unexamined, no guild bank un-plumbed to it's very Crimson Spinel filled core!

And now, Monsterpiece Theatre proudly presents Just Wipe It in Serpentshrine Cavern: The Chronicles of Despair


The Scene is Set - JWI's Alt/SF raid has just entered the Cavern. All members are in readiness, awaiting for the first pull

Milka: Doth verily I shalt pull, as it seems all the guild has clicked yes on thine readiness check!
Pummeldin: Drinking, just a sec. No don't go guys!
Milka casts Hunters Mark and Pet Attack on Giant Trash pack whilst boglord is pathing past them.
Milka engages his G17 Hunter macro and alt-tabs.
Milka: *interspaced between abuible breathing* lol so did you see the new mage buffs? awwww shieeeettt.
Milka dies.
/who Toksi
No Player Found!
Tjay: Don't worry guys, I'll tank the big one, heal me and dps that whilst pummeldin tanks everything else!
Pummeldin: I can't tank, I don't have any mana!
Fshawk, thinking: I must learn how to dance like Benny Lava. 1, 2, 3, ok 3 seconds to get aggro, dps time. Time to pretend to everyone that I'm not a tiny indian afterall!
Fshawk: LOL WATCH THIS, 6K CL INCOMING DAUGGGH CHAMONE LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Fshawk has died.
Fshawk: Laith, WTF WERE YOU DOING.
Zyth: Uh guys?
Zyth has died.
Zyth casts Spirit of Redemption.
Zyth has died.
Zyth uses Soulstone.
Zyth has died.
Zyth: Cocksuckers. It's people like you that make my mum use my head to clean the floor.

All seems lost. Disaster has befallen our heroes, with more and more being slain every second. All hope seems lost, when suddenly, a newcomer appears on ventrilo

Vandy has joined the channel

Vandy: HEY GUYS WHATS HAPPENING DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE NEW ARENA STUFF OH MAN SOME OF THAT STUFF IS HAPPENING OH WOW WHATS HAPPENING ARE YOU GUYS DOING SSC IF YOU ARE I'LL COME ALONG BECAUSE I NEED SOME NEW STUFF FOR MY PRIEST AND SHIT BUT ONLY IF YOU GUYS WANT ME OH YOU WANT ME OK LETS GO WAIT I HAVE TO DO THE COOKING QUEST FIRST OTHERWISE I'LL NEVER HAVE A CHANCE OF GETTING THE STORMCHOPS RECIPIE AND I NEED STORMCHOPS TO BRING OUR RAIDING EFFICENCY TO 95% I THINK THEY'RE THE BEST ITEM FOR RAIDING JUST A SEC GUYS I'LL BE RIGHT BACK

Vandy has left the channel

Falran: I hate you ewat.
Milka: Lol I hate yof aojfiasfhwhhafjkaslfjakfkh.

Cut to internal monologue

Ewat: It seems so long ago now, that fateful day, when I was to take the reins of a struggling guild and call it my own. It's a long and windy path that led me here, fraught on so many levels with danger. Why, I still remember the day when I was a struggling mage, short on gold and in debt to many people. That fateful day, when my luck finally ran out, and the evil 'Skitzo' broke my fingers when I couldn't pay up.
*sniff*
I've never typed the same since. And yet that's all they do. They berate my typing, my typing my mother called beautiful! They mock my breath, these torturted breaths which remind me of the sweet kisses of Lob's sister. The dog, oh the dog, that dog is all I have left of my one true friend, Fabiolo. Why! WHY was he taken from me so cruelly! To think all I have shown this guild is love and my amazing player skills. They don't deserve me. I'll show them.


Sometime later...

Smoogle: Tell us a joke Monte!
Montezeuma: *silence*
Hurbie: Don't worry, I'll tell one! So this tauren walks into a bar and the bartender says "Why the long face?" AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAH
Hurbie has left the server
Lancel: STOP GIVING ME SALV YOU FUCKING DOWNIE AIDS TANKS, I DIDN'T BEAT THROUGH THE FIRE AND THE FLAMES ON EXPERT SO YOU CAN FUCK UP MY EVENINGS OF HOT CYBER WITH MALBS' SISTER! I AM AN ANGRY ANGRY COW!!
Malbs: Speaking of which lancel, i need to fund my gold habit, I'll need another $20 if you want to keep talking to her so I can fund my gold habit.
Lancel has left the raid.
Milka: Alas! Who will tanketh for the raid now!
Jibbly: I could log on Doughnuts?
Falran has left the raid.
Shadedmedic: Well, my warrior could use an upgrade...
Falran has left the guild.
Ewat: FINALLY! MY PLAN HAS SUCCEDED! NOW NOTHING CAN STOP ME FROM TAKING CONTROL OF EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING! *pause for Ventolin*. YOU ARE ALL MINE!
Lob: Ewat, I must tell you this. My sister was pregnant with your child before she died. The child was born, and named Falran!
Ewat: No! That can't be true, that's impossible! Nooooooooo!
Ewat has left the game.
Lob: The king is dead! All Hail the king!


The End

(I may actually be banned from the website for writing this)